I can’t do this…no wait, yes I can

Posted: May 25, 2013 in Writing
Tags: , , , , , ,

Oh, it’s one of those nights. One of those dreaded and all too frequent nights where I’m staring at my nearly complete manuscript and thinking: I can never be a writer. This is awful. I have done too much “tell” instead of “show”. My dialogue is shoddy. Too many phrases end in “she said”. There are too many adverbs. The plot doesn’t flow. Etc., etc. and so on and so forth.

Then, literally, a few minutes later (usually while I’m checking out some other author’s blog or success story) I’m like, “Hey,” <<(in my best Uncle Si voice)  “I can do this, Jack!” I could be a writer. My story is pretty good for a first timer. The characters have been in my head for so long, I know them pretty well. There are witty parts, there are intense parts, there is plenty to draw the reader in. It ends in a cliffhanger, paving the way for a sequel. You so got this. Write on you literary genius! 😉

I never would have guessed when I flipped my laptop open a few months ago that I would have been jumping on this crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. At the heart of all of this lies a passion to be an author. I want more than anything to publish a book and have reader’s (other than my immediate family and friends) actually enjoy it. Not to find deep spiritual meaning in it, or to have it win numerous awards, but to simply be enjoyed. 

You know, as I’m getting ready to self-publish my first book ever, my emotions are all over the board. That feeling of failure…though I’m not really sure what the failure would be in this case, a bad review??…grips me every single day. I am a codependent person, so I constantly worry about putting myself out there. The dumbest things have gone through my mind during this “becoming an author” process. For example, what if my husband thinks the book is stupid? What if my own mother hates it? What if someone writes a review and says it was the worst book they have ever read? What if my old classmates find it and I’m the laughing stock at my ten year reunion? 

I know, even if any of those scenarios happened, it still wouldn’t be the end of the world. I could still write, still teach, still move on with my life. So why does it often feel like those things are mountains sitting directly in my path to publication?

So, all of those insecure ramblings have led me to this revelation: I’m going to publish this puppy. I’m uploading the book for my birthday; this is a gift to ME. If people don’t like it, don’t think it’s any good, so be it.


I’m totally saying it like this, by the way:

So, I’m going to publish it, revel in it, and get a pedicure to celebrate! I accomplished something significant and regardless of one’s opinion of it, no one can ever take that away from me.

Until next time…



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